


i’ve been here so very long

by dayevsphil



Series: side b: masterpiece theatre (amnesia au timestamps) [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21631534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayevsphil/pseuds/dayevsphil
Summary: Phil watches A Chat With Myself From 10 Years Ago and related videos. Amnesia AU timestamp.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: side b: masterpiece theatre (amnesia au timestamps) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559110
Comments: 18
Kudos: 139





	i’ve been here so very long

**Author's Note:**

> set between part one and part two of amnesia au, which you can read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1449553) if you're not familiar with it! 
> 
> prompted by anon <3
> 
> read and reblog on tumblr [here!](https://dayevsphil.tumblr.com/post/189410727888/ive-been-here-so-very-long)

A lot of the videos are strange for Phil to watch, because he’s uploaded a lot of weird things in the past twelve years, but some are definitely stranger than others. He can’t decide what’s worse - watching himself talk about stories and opportunities he doesn’t remember experiencing or watching himself struggle to be funny when there’s clearly something off. 

Dan’s videos are easier to watch, but not by much. He’s just so much softer of a person than he lets on, and it’s hard for Phil to see him so performative and so sad in equal amounts. They’ve both got videos that Phil feels more comfortable with, obviously, the ones where Dan is more himself or Phil of the future-past hasn’t got every possible wall up between him and the audience, but for the most part it’s just a weird experience to learn about his own life through YouTube videos.

No, actually, Phil does know what the worst type of video is. He doesn’t know why he’s made so many of them.

“Though, if I could send a psychic beam back to 2008 Phil,” the Phil on the screen is saying, wiggling his fingers towards the camera, “I would say _please_ get a haircut. Seriously. _Seriously_ , please get a haircut.”

Phil reaches up to touch his hair with a little frown. It’s buzzed short on the sides and not very long on top, either, so different to what he’d choose for himself, and he doesn’t think it looks particularly better. It just makes him look older. Maybe that’s what he’s going for, in his thirties, but he doesn’t have to like it now.

There’s too many videos like the one he’s watching now, waiting for Dan to get back from grocery shopping and letting YouTube autoplay his own nonsense. Reacting to old videos, old pictures, poking fun at himself and giving advice that Phil wonders, now, if he should be taking to heart.

It’s even worse when the next video starts, and suddenly Phil is watching a video spliced between himself in uni and himself in this flat. He doesn’t remember being either of these people, doesn’t remember the years between 2007 and 2019 at all, and it’s surreal to watch. They both look like him and sound like him and know things about him but none of it is exactly right.

It occurs to Phil that he doesn't really know who either of these men are. The realization doesn't make him spiral again - at this point, he just feels resigned to it.

“All of those decisions and things that happened in my life led to who I am today,” the older Phil is saying, wrapping up yet another video that Phil has zoned out for most of in order to stop himself from having a panic attack. “And I quite like who I am today!”

“Do you?” Phil murmurs, tugging Dan’s hoodie further around him to try and mimic his warmth.

On screen, Phil is saying, “So I think I’ll leave the Phil of the past in the past, and I’ll stick with this guy here for now.”

Phil laughs. He buries his face in his hands and he laughs, because he doesn’t know what else to do. He’s glad when the video switches to something else, a collab with someone he isn’t familiar with, so he can have a few minutes to pull himself together. The last thing he wants to do is to look at the comments on that video.

“Guess I’m stuck with you,” Phil tells his own hands, laughing again at the absurdity of it all. “But I’m doing whatever the hell I want to my hair, mate.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to cat and chicken as always !
> 
> y'all have got a couple more timestamps coming your way... drop me a comment if these short little glimpses into moments i didnt cover appeals to you!


End file.
